This post is roughly-written, but felt important to post stat, for my personal growth. Spent the morning pouring my heart out in this, I hope you read it.
My commitment to being a professional shaman must be made daily.
Today is Feb 5. The World Tree resurrects today. It is a day to plant.
Ancient MetsoaAmerican merchants traded in sacred good, items of great mystic worth.
From an anthropological view, if you don’t charge for it, it ain’t shamanism. (I support all definitions of shamanism. I mention the anthropological one contextually.)
I tell myself, “Come into the market place, again, today. Do not be stopped by those with dubious claims to power, who brag about alliance with death.”
I tell myself, “Yes, they hurt my feelings and make it hard for people to understand my work enough to know it might really help them. Yes, this immense pain makes my tears appropriate. Cry, do cry. But remember that anyone wrongly claiming they belong to a fierce god of war or death or the underworld is a deluded pawn of the evil bastardization of such a god. They don’t just cause harm, they too suffer. (I’m not referring to an innocently mistaken choice of a patron deity, but an arrogant choice.)
I tell myself, “They’re children playing at grown up, teenagers claiming selves in loud clothes. Like foolish adolescents, they careen in magic cars, injuring or killing themselves and others. But there is nothing I can do, until they know they need help. Move on. Some day, they’ll know better. Then they’ll be attacked and have to learn to cleave to honest paths despite. Ultimately, we are all in this together.”
I leave behind my fantasy of telling them, “Ancient MesoaAmerican football was sacred, the losing team was beheaded, you are not up to that game.” They would not understand. Which makes me utterly frustrated. I leave behind my frustration.
I admit and honor my powerlessness. I focus on me, tell myself, “Honor your healing magic by selling it. Honor your ability as a shamanic guide by selling it. Make beauty with your magic and sell it. Become part of the market.”
Today, I remind myself today, “Every Mayan king was a shaman. Yes, admit in your gut that you’re attacked by those trapped in the modern american division of sacred and profane, market and magic. Admit in your gut how badly they treat you and how hard they make it for you. Then take time for self-compassion. Then stop thinking about finding self, heck, stop trying to find self. Go sell self. Only in service do we find self and fully heal self.”
People attack me instead of facing that they’re not willing to get into the game of life and marketplace. My preoccupation with them is my way of avoiding life and marketplace. :-)What a self-perpetuating cycle of avoidance! So I focus on my own failings and on being of service. I focus on today!
I pray, “Hermes, Mercury, Exu, open the road and gate to my profession today, that I may serve.Open the road and gate within my heart today, that I may serve. Open the road and gate, today, for the person whose needs and goals are well met by my particular shamanic skill set. Guide my day in the divine marketplace, today. Help me be a sacred merchant, today. Help me try and try and try, today, for to be a professional shaman who is well-serving community means to ever be resurrected, both in my private life and daily in my commitment to the market place.” (I support all definitions of shamanism. This paragraph is specific to a moment in time.)
I post this today, because my heart needs to touch someone who will understand my pain, my commitment, my happiness in my work, and in hopes the post will help them. Please tell me if you understand and/or if this post helps.
Here’s a description of my shamanic counseling sessions. And you can schedule online. http://www.outlawbunny.com/pastoral-counseling/
I think you are beautiful,wise and very couragous. Always continue on your path for you are an inspiration and a wonderful teacher to many of us. Love and peace my dear lady.
Jacquie, wow, often no one responds to my blogs, though I know folks read em. But folks more often read and then like it for Facebook, and I may never know who. So it is a bit like writing in a vacuum. But this blog got responses, and I really needed every single one. To bare myself so much re something that folks want silence on, and to be met with not only your love and understanding but also your praise is healing and empowering, thank you. Many hugs.
A brief haiku, to you and only you:
You are not only
the cat’s pajamas, but the
cat’s meow as well!
I love it!!! LOL! TU!
Thanks for your beautiful heart felt creations. I don’t always understand the message but I can feel the emotion. Thanks so much ms DeGrandis.
That is one of the sweetest most heartfelt things I have ever been told! TU!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for reposting it this morning. I REALLY needed to read this. I need some time to sit with it, but I will be saying your prayer until it sinks in deeper. I get it and I think you know I needed to get it. I had an interesting experience yesterday that helped me move some energy in a different direction, work-wise not knowing what the day was (yeah, I’m SO not Pagan!). I love you, appreciate you and support you!
Oh, Kathleen, it means so much to me that our friendship endures. And only deepens. Wow, am so glad you like the post, am crying, bc we have such a great friendship. For one thing, it is soooo two ways. For another, we both keep growing, yet not growing apart. You are my dear sister. I’m delighted the blog was of use. I look forward to where it goes with you from here. I had no idea when i posted that it might be relevant to what we’d talked about, so i am happy i got brave enuf to post it, bc I wld do anytheeeeng for tu. I had to meditate and talk with a bud to be sure it was right to expose such vulnerable parts of me online. PS thanks for posting yr comment both here and on FB.
…I’m not ready to go that deep right this minute, but YES… I do understand quite a bit of your post. and yes, parts of it definitely do speak to me. Bravo on allowing that opening within yourself to come out the other side stronger and more whole… I know it can be painful… that path on the way to Peace. I’m not going to say anything more about your post right now, because I want to really think on it – and not just dash off some surface response… but I feel you wanting connection… so, here it is 🙂 ❤
Thank you so much!! I do feel the connection. 🙂 ❤ And thank you for posting yr comment both here and on Facebook.
I think you’re the cat’s pajamas. : )
And I, you! Thanks so much for even reading this, too!
Precisely what I needed to have endorsed today. Muy gracias hermosa!!! Lilith
Lilith, so glad to have been supportive! TU! You are beautiful too!