Rage, Despair, and Grief Are Chances to
Be a Goddess (or Other-Gendered Deity) Who Has All Powers
A nomad mystic, traveling Faerie realms, I am stardust.
All Human Fates Entwine
Part of my human and Fey heritages is connection with humankind as a whole.
All our fates are entwined.
As a shaman and servant to the Fairy Queen, I have a joyful duty to serve not only my shamanic students but also the larger whole.
My students and other friends are wonderful spiritual companions. Traveling spiritually alongside them upholds and nourishes me. The following is not about these friends. It is about the human race, which is part of my larger community along with Gaia’s other children.
A substantial percentage of humankind practices greed, heartlessness, and cruelty regularly. At times, my rage, despair, and grief overcome me. I’ve realized that, at such times, these painful feelings might be the only way I connect with humankind as a whole.
Though a misery to me, these feelings are strong fibers that bind me to every human on the planet.
One way or another, connection to humankind must happen. I cannot escape it, no matter how terribly a large part of humankind treats Gaia and all Her children. I want to choose how I connect.
Escape from Cruel Situations Can Feel Impossible
When rejected, mauled, and deprived from birth,
when carried in the womb of a Faerie woman
who was scorned, battered, and exiled,
when our skin and hair
was perceived as reason for incrimination,
when humans have haunted me and hunted me
for almost three-quarters of a century,
until in old age and a sleepless night,*
my past seems to be proof
that escape from cruel situations is impossible,
my despair, grief, and rage are inevitable and sane.
I must embrace them.
Then I can recognize
that my exhausted mind deceived me.
I can achieve freedom.
Doors to freedom surround me.
Rage, Despair, and Grief Are Gates to Power:
I Am Stardust
Yes, I embrace them.
They become my gates to power: To survive and thrive, I must become so flexible that I am formless. Formlessness immediately leads to my transforming further, into star dust. It is my natural state. I remember my path. I can plant my feet firmly into it.
Now I have no choice but to be in it if I want to survive and thrive. In it, I have all power.
My job is to be my true self—I am stardust, Diana, Magna Mater—because that innately serves the cosmos.
I Am Stardust and Faery Power. I Release Everything Else
I will keep what I need for functionality and beauty. Stardust.
I don’t regret moving back to California, even though, now, I don’t intend to stay.
California is my home—my mother land. But you can’t go home again.
I had to return here to take care of some things before moving to Italy. I didn’t know that is why I came back.
A Nomadic Mystic Traveling Across Faerie Realms
Before moving across the pond, I need to spend time with dear friends in California. I need to revel in and strengthen our connections with each other. Almost all my friends here had kept in touch with me long-distance before I moved back to California. But I need time with them here. Not only am I enjoying wonderful companionship, we’re strengthening a foundation to continue our authentic connection long-distance. This time together will make that long-distance friendship even better.
I need to revisit the land beneath San Francisco’s concrete to say the proper goodbye I could not manage when I moved away before. I need to do other things here, too.
I hope Italy will be my permanent home. But who knows.
I’m no longer counting on a permanent home.
My father was likely Middle Eastern. He might’ve been a nomad. Has my bloodline kept me from settling down happily? Is my DNA the reason that trying to make a permanent home on the material plane made me unhappy?
My home is within myself and within care from my sweet Fairy Gods.
My home is between the stars. I have always known that. I have always traversed Fay realms, but they are my home even more than ever.
Is a Spiritual Home an Illusion?
… Perhaps the idea of a home in the mystic and spiritual realms is a deception.
… No, it’s not a deception. A spiritual home is an important concept. A spiritual home has many vital meanings. … I will never let go of the idea of a sacred “home.” … There are good reasons that I work hard to help my students find their spiritual homes. There are good reasons that I strive to help each student find various metaphysical homes. They could range from being at home in a career to being at home in oneself to trusting one’s magical truths.
And a paradox exists. I need to relinquish the idea of a home, in some ways. The free movement of Nomads with their ever-moving homes is battled by the patriarchy, a death culture that wants everything fixed in place. Borders and boundaries maintain greed-based institutions like patriarchy, colonization, and racism**.
To be free of society’s oppressive spaces and culture, I need, to some extent, to let go of even a metaphysical home other than the ever-shifting Tao. It is the glorious now that is always magic aka miracle.
This is not to say I can escape misery. Or despair. Or rage or grief. They are part of life. Part of the Tao.
Clinging to any rigidity that my fear insists protects me increases misery. Surrendering to the Tao opens every moment to the possibility of joy.
After decades of practicing this surrender, my hopefully-correct understanding is that it’s become time to take it further. So I am. If I understand correctly, my survival and thriving require formlessness greater than I’ve ever experienced, despite my decades of shifting, shifting, and shifting. And I must be formless more consistently than ever.
My formlessness turns into stardust. And then I am a Goddess, Who has all powers. So mote it be!
In my events,
we have our heads in the clouds
and our feet on the ground.
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* A friend of mine says that whatever comes into your head after 9 pm is garbage. That’s obviously not true. But I understand her point. When you’re tired, it’s easy to sink into beliefs like, “My life is meaningless.” I am grateful when I remember my friend’s words at such times.
** Patriarchy, colonization, racism, and the other isms are synonyms to some degree. They’re also synonymous with greed. For example, if a white woman fights only to overcome her own oppression, good chance she is trying to climb into the upper caste so that she too can profit from the exploitation of oppressed groups. That is not feminism. It is greed. However, if she also fights misogynoir, she helps dismantle society’s oppressive structures. In other words, she understands that stopping isms requires stopping them as a whole. Mind you, there are many necessary exceptions to seeing them as a piece. For one thing, every ism has a distinct nature and needs to be fought against as such. But always fighting each one individually will dismantle none of them.